How I Made My Marriage Passionate Again, While Helping Others Do the Same
by Kathy Murray, Senior Relationship Coach
Having a sexless marriage before I learned the intimacy skills had me feeling so unattractive.
Before I read Laura’s book The Surrendered Wife, my husband wasn’t interested in making love to me. We fought about it all the time. I felt so unattractive and undesired…which made me feel depressed and lonely.
Like so many women I talk to with struggling relationships, I went to see a counselor to help me figure out how I could make my husband pay attention to me. I felt horrible about myself and blamed him for our lack of intimacy. I’d complain every week to the counselor, and she just took my money and booked appointment after appointment, never helping me see my side of the street, or anything I should do differently.
I was shocked to learn what the real problem was.
It happened when Laura’s book came into my life.
As I turned each page, I cried, “How could Laura know so much about my situation?” She was just like me, and for the first time I realized I might have everything to do with why my husband resorted to watching TV, doing yard work and playing ice hockey over making love to me.
Reading Laura’s book gave me a glimmer of hope.
Since I wasn’t getting anywhere but broke with the counselor, I fired her and hired Laura instead.
Laura graciously and generously agreed to meet with me when I wrote to her begging her to teach me her Six Intimacy Skills™. Laura didn’t pass out judgements or criticisms as I told her how badly I’d treated my husband: You know, nasty comments, rolled eyes and thinking I was superior to him. That kind of treatment. The “no wonder my husband doesn’t want to make love to me” kind of treatment.
Instead, Laura listened with a generous understanding heart and said “you can do this.” I wanted desperately to save my own marriage and knew if I could teach other women – like she talked about doing in her living room – I could keep the skills she taught me alive for myself.
That was fourteen years ago.
I’ve kept the skills alive in my marriage for all these years because I help other women have what I now have.
My husband and I enjoy an intimate, passionate, peaceful relationship where we have fun, hold hands and can’t keep our hands off each other.
My secret is being a Relationship Coach, where I get to have ongoing support and a structure for practicing the intimacy skills while helping other women do the same.
Not only do we no longer suffer from a sexless marriage, my husband (the same one I almost divorced) is the most attentive, generous, helpful husband a wife could ever dream of having.
This transformation is like a fairy tale story that I would have never dreamed possible without the…
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But that wasn’t the only transformation I experienced – it changed my professional life forever too. I could no longer hide out as the CFO of a private school once I started to open my heart to the skills and to who I really am. I was so passionate about The Intimacy Skills that I knew it was what I was meant to do. Whenever I speak to a woman on the phone about the skills, I know that I’m where I’m meant to be.
Being a Relationship Coach allows me the opportunity to work from home and travel to visit my kids and grandkids because all I need is my phone and laptop. I set my own hours and get to feel purposeful and fulfilled when I witness another woman save her marriage like I saved mine.
Just last year, I was able to help my girlfriend of more than forty years save her 27-year marriage from divorce.
As a Relationship Coach, her maid of honor, and a long time student of Laura’s work I felt a sense of duty and responsibility to share Laura’s work with her. I told her that I believed if she was willing to try something she’d never considered before, she could save her marriage too.
Without Laura’s Coach Training program, I would have never had enough courage to share my own story and invite my friend to try the skills.
In Coach Training we learn how to effectively invite other women to discover that they are the keepers of their relationship and therefore have all the power to turn things around.
Like me, my friend thought it was all her husband’s fault – until she learned the skills.
Not only did my friend try the skills and save her marriage, she also trained to become a coach. Now we get to support each other and bask in the delight of our happy marriages. Just a few months ago, we lead a workshop together, and attended Laura’s “Cherished for Life” Retreat together. The connection and shared passion for this work has taken our friendship to a whole new level.
So many women are suffering in their relationships needlessly – just like I was, and my friend was and so many women who reach out to Laura from all around the world still are.
We understand because we once suffered too, but with the intimacy skills and the support from Coach Training, we can come together as women and empower and support each other in being our best selves.
I’m honored to stand by Laura’s side helping to fulfill her mission to end world divorce.
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